you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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