If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
