if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize