She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Randomize
