I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize