Midget sex pt 2 tonight
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
