Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
