I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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