Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
my being single is dangerous.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
