You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
