I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
