I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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