GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
