im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
