His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
