Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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