Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
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