At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
