Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
