glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
