You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Randomize
