thus making me awesome and them whores
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
