When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
