i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
