Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
