I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
