i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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