The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
