I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
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