After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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