it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Randomize
