I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
