Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
