Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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