I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
