Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
