Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I understand Curling. That high.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
