Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
