i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
