I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Found your dick twin last night
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
