you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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