People with herpes should wear stickers.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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