put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
