home. puking in laundry basket.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
