Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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