Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
