just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize