I hope mine doesn't look like that
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
