just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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