I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
