My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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