the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
