I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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