Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
