11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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