I'm passing your future prison.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
