mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
