I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
