What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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