I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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