It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
