how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
