Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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