I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
