ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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